Caring
One of the best movements for people who have the misfortune of suffering from mental health incidents is the R U OK? program. The tagline for their organisation goes “a conversation could change a life”. And it can, let’s face it, a conversation could save a life. One of the greatest moves forward in recent years has been taking away the stigma of mental health and accepting the fact, particular by us males, that people suffering from mental health issues are more prevalent in society tha we ever wanted to admit. The ostrich mentality is radily being quashed and that is a very good thing.
Take the initiative if you feel as if someone close to you is acting differently, not being themselves or you just have a gut feeling that something is off, ask, R U OK?. If you are the enquirer and want to educate yourself on the correct approach, do so at the R U OK? web site. Take a look.
“một cuộc trò chuyện có thể thay đổi một cuộc đời”
I am a proud Australian and speak well of my country and talk it up whenever I can. However, I am an ex-pat and take a huge interest in the peole of my adopted country of residence. Australian governments of both stripes have contributed greatly to Vietnam as have the people of Australia. The above mentioned website can also help the people of Vietnam.
Tôi là một người Úc, tôi tự hào về điều đó và luôn nói tốt về đất nước tôi bất cứ khi nào tôi có thể. Tuy nhiên, tôi định cư ở nước ngoài và có sự quan tâm lớn đến người dân ở quốc gia nơi tôi cư trú. Chính phủ Úc ngụ tại cả hai nước đã có nhiều đóng góp to lớn cho Việt Nam cũng như người dân Úc. Trang web nêu trên cũng có thể giúp ích cho người dân Việt Nam.
When you go to the site, there is a small map of the world in the header click it or you can just click here to find some details of the R U OK? program in the Vietnamese language. I urge evryone to spread the word about this helpful resource. And again, “having a conversation can change a life”.
Khi bạn truy cập trang web, có một bản đồ nhỏ về thế giới trong tiêu đề, hãy nhấp vào nó, hoặc bạn chỉ cần nhấp vào đây để tìm hiểu chi tiết về chương trình R U OK? bằng tiếng Việt. Tôi khuyến khích mọi người hãy phổ biến rộng rãi nguồn tài nguyên hữu ích này. Và một lần nữa, “một cuộc trò chuyện có thể thay đổi một cuộc đời”.
In the Workplace
As a leader, you have a responsibility to those under your leadership. While all of our instincts might tell us to charge on regardless of the current situation. the current state of peace of flux and with your current aims still your focus, a good leader will be attuned to the team members both as a group and individually. Yes, in some ways you are the mother hen tending her chicks.
Your eyes and your ears are the best tools you have available to you. They will send the message to your brain when something is not well and that something will involve somebody.
Are members of the team showing signs of internal friction?
Is that normally cheery person exhibiting a previously well hidden grumpy side?
Is the most punctual member of your team now fronting up late for work and meetings?
If you are lucky, the person may approach you and ask for help, guidance or have a request for some change/
And sometimes, it is that “something”, a hunch, a gut feeling or intuition telling you that something is not quite right?
The warning bells can be many but they do not all always toll loudly.
Firstly, I would advise anyone not to hear the warning bell and rush into the situation like a bull at a gate as this may only worsen the situation. People may fear for their job or they may even have a problem that they will be hesitant to share. Secondly, having a read of the R U OK? website that we have already mentioned will be a good guide. It is a commonsense method of approaching the above and more situations. But please take some action.
Many moons ago and before I became what I now call a leader, I had a good friend that I worked with. I had noticed that she was absent from her desk more than what was usual. I have always had a good eye and also noticed that she was going through a box of tissues every couple of days. Sure, she had a sniffle and always had a tissue at the ready but a box every couple of days seemed odd to me. Being the curious type I asked her to go to lunch with me, I wanted to find out what was going on.
Not much was going on at all it turns out but a problem did exist. She told me that she found herself breaking into tears at the drop of a hat for no reason. It only was happening at work, on a regular basis, and at home all was normal or as normal as our lives get. Of course, she had a sook over a sad movie like most of us. Her problem at work was unknown to her so she went to toilets when she felt the tears coming on so others didn’t see her cry.
My very unprofessional advice was not worry about what others thought and next time it happened to let the tears flow wherever she was. Just have one of those tissues handy. Well guess what? It never happened again and I let the matter rest. She told me at a later time that she discussed it with her mum and her mum’s reckoning was that she was crying over a fear of letting others see her cry. When she started not caring about it didn’t happen.
Scientific, probably not, medically proven, probably not, but crying episodes fixed, a resounding yes.
My belief in not worrying about what others think was confirmed and the other thing proven was always talk with your mum if you can.
A better example again is of an acquanintance of mine in Asia who had been promoted to head up a multi-national company in China. We met about every three months after his relocation and I always enjoyed his tales of his travails in China. He once told me he story of his most talented and up and coming mid level executive who after being the most diligent and punctual member of his weekly management teams meetings was all of a sudden just making the meetings in time and appeared to be half asleep durung the meetings. She had previously been an enthusiastic contributor to all matters under discussion. He had asked HR to have a chat to her and their report came back as her having no reason was her performance was in decline.
He decided to chat to her himself.
With a little prodding but more importantly with a lot more listening, he discovered that his valued employee had been diagnosed with cancer and she was receiving treatment on the mornings of the meetings. She did not want this news to become public.
Being the fine leader he was, he took charge and responsibility and changed the mornings the meetings were held to another day. This change in mornings had zero effect on any person who was to attend except of course having a very positive effect on the lady concerned. A courageous and terrific decision from a fine leader who considered members of his team in addition to the team as a whole.
I believe that empathy can be one of the best soft skills that any leader can have. The Merriam-Webster defines empathy as,
“the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another”.
If you are a male leader and you are counselling, providing other feedback or addressing any concern with a female employee’s health, family responsibilities or life style, the worst words you can utter are “I understand”. The fact is you do not understand. You will never understand and the truth is that this has real repercussions as you will make the matter worse. The woman you are in discussions with immediately be thinking “how can he understand”. Think before engaging the mouth.
Empathy is a terrific skill to have, delusion not so much.